A Collection of Funny Short Stories: Laugh and Learn

Высшее образование — Бакалавриат

Е.А. ГВОЗДЕВА

 

 

A COLLECTION OF FUNNY 

SHORT STORIES 

LAUGH AND LEARN

Учебное пособие

Москва

ИНФРА-М

2021

УДК 811.111(075.8)
ББК 81.2Англ.я73

Г25

Гвоздева Е.А.

Г25
A Collection of Funny Short Stories: Laugh and Learn : 

учебное пособие / Е.А. Гвоздева. — Москва : ИНФРА-М, 
2021. — 132 с. — (Высшее образование: Бакалавриат).

ISBN 978-5-16-109415-0 (online)

Учебное пособие состоит из 2х частей. 1я часть для тех, кто 

знает английский на уровне intermediate; 2я часть выводит на уровень 
upper intermediate. Короткие рассказы, представленные во 2ой части, 
взяты из книги ―Shaggy Dog English‖ (a shaggy dog – лохматая собака), 
которая была издана польским издательством в 70х с пояснениями на 
польском языке и считалась одним из наиболее эффективных учебных 
пособий по английскому языку. Сейчас эта книга является раритетом. 
―The Shaggy Dog Story‖ has a surprising ending that is outside the limits of 
reality or logic.  Предлагается подробно разработанная базовая 
английская грамматика с 
упражнениями и правила 
ударения 

английских слов. Для каждого рассказа даются грамматические 
пояснения, словарь и разнообразные задания по развитию навыков 
устной речи. Предлагаются ключи для заданий по переводу с русского 
и постановки вопросов. Чтобы составить собственное мнение, 
прочитайте эти рассказы, выполните все задания and you will improve 
your English and how`! Even if your level is advanced you’ll enjoy it. 
Учебное пособие может быть рекомендовано тем, кто изучает 
английский язык самостоятельно, в парах и маленьких группах.Для 
студентов высших учебных заведений, а также всех, изучающих 
английский язык.

УДК 811.111(075.8)

ББК 81.2Англ.я73

ISBN 978-5-16-109415-0 (online)
© Гвоздева Е.А., 2021

ФЗ 

№ 436-ФЗ

Издание не подлежит маркировке 
в соответствии с п. 1 ч. 2 ст. 1

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CONTENTS

BEFORE READING
Vocabulary and Stress Rules 
Basic Grammar 

PART I

Pre intermediate

Anecdotes 
Just So Stories 
Stories That Teach You Lessons 
Inspirational Stories for Work and Business 
Hallo, Bill here
Guess the Ending 

PART II 

Intermediate

American English Stories with an Audio Component
Shaggy Dog Stories Section I 
Shaggy Dog Stories Section II
Shaggy Dog Stories Section III 
Shaggy Dog Stories Section IV 
Keys to Exercises 

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VOCABULARY AND STRESS RULES

In N (noun) which has two syllables the 1st syllable is stressed.
1 a service - услуга
2 a portrait - портрет
3 an accent - акцент

4 a fellow - парень
5 a contact - связь

Exceptions: an effect - воздействие, an address

In V (verb) which has two-syllables the 2nd syllable is stressed.

1to allow - разрешать
2 to permit - позволять
3 to assure - уверять
4 to afford - позволять себе
5 to figure out - прикидывать
6 to retire - уйти на пенсию
7 to prefer - предпочитать
8 to arrive - прибывать
9 to pretend - притворяться
10 to deceive - обманывать
11 to appoint - назначать

12 to reply - отвечать
13 to announce - объявлять
14 to address - адресовать
15 to contact - связываться
16 to attend - посещать
17 to impress - оказать 
впечатление
18 to admit - признать 
19 to allow - позволять
20 to accept - принимать

Exceptions
1 to follow - следовать
2 to happen - случаться
3 to promise - обещать

4 to consider - рассматривать
5 to offer - предлагать
6 to quarrel - ссориться

In a word which has three-syllables the 1st syllable is stressed.

1 prominent - известный
2 definite - определённый
3 a president
4 senior - старший
5 a lunatic - сумасшедший
6 a quantity - количество
7 a customer - покупатель
8 a ministry - министерство
9 evidence - улика

10 an accident - несчастный
случай
11 an incident - случай
12 a vegetable - овощ
13 a citizen - гражданин
14 fortunate - счастливый
15 an honesty - честность

In a word which has more than three syllables the third syllable 

from the end is stressed.

1 original - исходный

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2 peculiar - странный, 
своеобразный
3 ridiculous - смешной
4 particular - данный
5 confidential - секретный
6 an emergency - чрезвычайная
ситуация
7 a reality - окружающий мир
8 a neurologist - невролог

9 an official - чиновник
10 a security - безопасность
11 a competitor - конкурент
12 an authority - власть
13 a comedian - комедиант
14 a popularity - популярность
15 an opportunity - возможность

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THE BASIC GRAMMAR

THE WORD ORDER IN THE ENGLISH SENTENCE:

S + V + WHAT + WHERE + WHEN

Examples
1. Magic exists.
2. Tastes differ.
3. The dog barks but the caravan goes on.
4. The exception proves the rule.
5. Nothing comes out of nothing.
6. I want to walk along the beach at night and listen to the waves.
7. “The moon hid her face in a cloud.” (Oscar Wilde)

If ‘when’ is important we put it first. 
Example: In September we are going to Paris.

In impersonal sentences ‘It’ acts as the subject. 
1. It is dangerous to walk along the road when it’s dark and late.
2. It is spring. It’s time to plant flowers in my garden.
3. It was early morning. 
4. It is raining outside.
5. It was a beautiful summer day.
6. If it is important for you, you will find a way. If it is not important, 
you will find an excuse.
7. It's winter. It's cold. It’s snowing. It’s beautiful.

TO BE (AM/IS/ARE/WAS/WERE

'To be’ expresses a state, not an action.

“TO BE OR NOT TO BE THAT’S THE QUESTION.”

‘Hamlet’ W. Shakespeare

Read together.
1. Mom, can you help me with mathematics? – Sorry, darling. Not now, 
I’m tired. 
2. Dad, I have something important to tell you. -- Sorry, not now. I’m in 
a hurry to pick up Mrs. Adams from Heathrow. 
3. I’m busy. -- You are always busy. 
4. How are you? -- Thank you, I’m fine. And how are you? -- I’m fine 
too, thanks. What about your dog? Is she any better?
5. How are things with her? – She is in love and she is happy. -- I’m glad 
to hear that.

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6. Mr. Bell is back from his business trip. -- Oh, is he? -- Mrs. Bell is 
away to Bristol for three days. -- Oh, is she? You are a mine of useful 
information. 
7. I’m sure it is a coincidence. -- I’m not so sure. 
8. Where is the hotel? Check a map. -- Oh, it’s within a walking distance 
from the British Museum. 
9. Are you hungry? -- A coffee would be great. Thank you very much. 
10. How much is a ticket to Cambridge? -- A pound. 
11. Are you at home or at work now? -- I’m on my way to the office.
12. I’m in conflict with the chief. -- Oh, are you? I am surprised to hear 
that. And what is the conflict about?
13. You are out of time. Is the work over? -- I’m sorry. The work is not 
over yet. There were some problems. -- Oh, it’s like you. Great talkers 
are poor doers. 
14. There is a proverb: The apples on the other side of the wall are the 
sweetest. – There is another one: The grass is always greener on the 
other side. The meaning is the same.
15. Summer is the most beautiful just before autumn. – Americans call it 
Indian summer.
16. Are you in Paris for fun or for business? -- Both.
17. Mr. Thorne isn’t in yet. – Isn’t he? What’s the time? -- It’s a quarter 
to nine. -- Oh, is it? My watch is a quarter of an hour fast.
18. Is the girl any good? -- Yes, she is reasonably intelligent and gifted 
with her hands.
19. “The report of my death was an exaggeration.” – Mark Twain had a 
keen sense of humor.
20. “My goal is simple. It is complete understanding of the Universe, 
why it is as it is and why it exists at all.” (Stephen Hawking, English 
theoretical physicist)
21. Sam, where are you? – I’m on my way back home. 
22. Are you fond of the sea travel? -- Not particularly. I’m seasick, you 
know.
23. Sorry, can you help me? – Sure. Just a moment
24. “Of all the things in this world I’m fond of books most”, Tesla said. 
What about you?

QUESTIIONS

YES/NO QUESTIONS

Asking a Yes/No question you expect a Yes or No answer.

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We make questions by changing the word order: We put am/is/are/ 
was/were before the subject.

Ask and answer Yes/No questions together.
1.1I’m tired. 
2. I’m in a hurry.
3. I’m well.
4. He is ill.
5. She is better.
6. I’m comfortable, thank you.
7. Mr. Bell is busy.
8. Mrs. Green is not in.
9. Mr. Brown is away from London.
10. Mr. Black is not back from his business trip yet.
11. Mr. White is away from Moscow. 
12. He is on business trip.
13. I’m sure.
14. I’m not hungry.
15. I’m thirsty.
16. I’m cold.
17. I’m afraid.
18. I’m seasick.
19. I’m at home at seven.
20. I’m glad to hear that.
21. He was surprised to hear that.
22. The excursion was interesting.
23.  She was happy to get a present.

QUESTION-WORD QUESTIONS

Asking a Question-word question you want to get some information                                 
and use a question word.
“I keep six honest serving-men (they taught me all I knew); their names 
are: What? Why? When? How? Where? and Who?” (R. Kipling) 

Ask and answer question-word questions together.
1. A ticket to Cambridge is a pound (How much?).
2. Mr. Brown is away from London (For how long?).
3. The hotel is within a walking distance from the British Museum 
(Where?).

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4. I’m in conflict with the chief (Why?).
5. Summer is the most beautiful just before autumn (When?).
6. My goal is simple (What?). It is a complete understanding of the 
Universe.
7. I was at my mother’s (Where?).
8. London is most lovable at 8p.m when the working day is over and 
people are on their way back home from offices (When?).
9. I’m not fond of the sea travel (Why?).
10. The performance is over at 10.30.

I HAVE

HE/SHE/IT HAS

I have/ = I have got -- Russian - У меня есть. He/she/it has -- Russian 
-- У него есть. Do you have? Have you got?

“To Have or Not To Have”

Ernst Hemingway

“I’m not afraid of death, but I’m not in a hurry to die. I have got a lot of 

things to do on the earth.”
Stephan Hawking (English theoretical physicist)

Read together.
1. Where is he? -- I have no idea. 
2. He has a dog. -- What dog does he have?
3. She has children -- How many children does she have?
4. I know that every man has his faults. -- What faults do I have?
5. Could I have a word with you? -- Sure. Come to my place any time 
you like. I’m usually at home at 7p.m.
6. Who else has got a key to your mother’s flat? -- Nobody else has got a 
key but me.
7. I have something urgent to tell you. -- What is it? Come on!
8. Why couldn’t you take a picture of his face? -- He had his back to me. 
9. You haven’t got any taste. -- Tastes differ.
10. Why don’t you want to talk about it? -- I have more interesting 
things to talk about.

THE VERB (V)

The Verb expresses an action. It has a category of tense. As in any other 
language there are 3 tenses in English: the present, the past, and the
future. Each English tense has 4 aspects: simple, continuous, perfect 
and perfect continuous.

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The English tenses are based on the infinitive forms.  There are four 
infinitives:
1 to develop -- the simple infinitive
2 to be developing -- the continuous infinitive
3 to have developed -- the perfect infinitive
4 to have been developing -- the perfect continuous infinitive

THE TABLE OF TENSES

ASPECTS           
PRESENT Vо (s)      PAST V2          
FUTURE                          

SIMPLE

V (he, she, it + 
Vs) do\does? 
do\does not

V2 

Did + S + Vo? 
S +  didn’t + Vo

will + Vo

CONTINUOUS
am, is, are + V4
was\were + V4
will + be V4

PERFECT
have\has + V3
had + V3
will + have V3

PERFECT 
CONTINUOUS

have been V4
had been +V4
will have been 
+ V4

Continuous Aspect = Russian - несовершенный вид глагола
Perfect Aspect = Russian - совершенный вид глагола

THE VERB CHANGES IN FOUR FORMS: 

1             2            3              4
to test -- tested -- tested -- testing

1 the infinitive
2 the past simple
3 the passive participle (Russian -- испытанный)
4 the active participle (Russian -- испытывающий) 

There are regular and irregular verbs.
Regular verbs are formed like that:
1 to develop - developed - developed - developing
2 to rain - rained - rained - raining
3 to exist - existed - existed - existing

A LIST OF IRREGULAR VERBS TO BE REMEMBED

INFINITIVE 
PAST SIMPLE
PAST PARTICIPLE  RUSSIAN

to arise
arose
arisen
возникать

to be
to build 

was\were
built

been
built

быть
строить

to break                    broke                    broken
ломать

to begin
began 
begun
начинать