Трое на четырех колесах

УДК 372.8-821.111-93
ББК 81.2 Англ-93
         Д40

© КАРО, 2007
Все права защищены
ISBN 978-5-9925-1043-0

Джером, Джером Клапка.
Д40
Трое на четырех колесах : книга для чтения на английском языке / Д. К. Джером. — Санкт-Петербург :
КАРО, 2015. — 352 с. — (Серия «Classical literature»).

ISBN 978-5-9925-1043-0.

Джером Клапка Джером (1859–1927) — английский писатель, автор повестей, рассказов и одной пьесы. Герои этой книги, колесящие по горам Шварцвальда, без сомнения, хорошо
знакомы всем: это над их необычными приключениями
во время путешествия по Темзе добродушно смеялись целые поколения читателей. Неповторимый, ироничный юмор
Джерома, а также подготовленные для удобства читателей
словарик, комментарии, примечания и перевод особенно
сложных для понимания фразеологизмов превратят чтение
неадаптированного текста в удовольствие.

УДК 372.8-821.111-93
ББК 81.2 Англ-93

THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL

Three men need change — Anecdote showing evil result
of deception — Moral cowardice of George — Harris has
ideas — Yarn of the Ancient Mariner and the Inexperienced Yachtsman — A hearty crew — Danger of sailing
when the wind is off the land — Impossibility of sailing
when the wind is off the sea — The argumentativeness of
Ethelbertha — The dampness of the river — Harris suggests a bicycle tour — George thinks of the wind — Harris suggests the Black Forest — George thinks of the hills —
Plan adopted by Harris for ascent of hills —
Interruption by Mrs. Harris

“What we want,” said Harris, “is a change.”
At this moment the door opened, and Mrs. Harris put her head in to say that Ethelbertha had sent
her to remind me that we must not be late getting
home because of Clarence. Ethelbertha, I am inclined
to think, is unnecessarily nervous about the children.
As a matter of fact, there was nothing wrong with the

JEROME K. JEROME

child whatever. He had been out with his aunt that
morning; and if he looks wistfully at a pastrycook’s
window she takes him inside and buys him cream
buns and “maids-of-honour” until he insists that he
has had enough, and politely, but firmly, refuses to
eat another anything. Then, of course, he wants only
one helping of pudding at lunch, and Ethelbertha
thinks he is sickening for something. Mrs. Harris
added that it would be as well for us to come upstairs
soon, on our own account also, as otherwise we should
miss Muriel’s rendering of “The Mad Hatter’s Tea
Party,” out of Alice in Wonderland. Muriel is Harris’s
second, age eight: she is a bright, intelligent child;
but I prefer her myself in serious pieces1. We said we
would finish our cigarettes and follow almost immediately; we also begged her not to let Muriel begin until we arrived. She promised to hold the child
back as long as possible, and went. Harris, as soon
as the door was closed, resumed his interrupted sentence.
“You know what I mean,” he said, “a complete
change.”
The question was how to get it.

1 but I prefer her myself in serious pieces — (зд.) но я предпочитаю изучать серьезную литературу по первоисточникам

THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL

George suggested “business.” It was the sort of
suggestion George would make. A bachelor thinks a
married woman doesn’t know enough to get out of
the way of a steam-roller. I knew a young fellow once,
an engineer, who thought he would go to Vienna “on
business.” His wife wanted to know “what business?”
He told her it would be his duty to visit the mines in
the neighbourhood of the Austrian capital, and to
make reports. She said she would go with him; she
was that sort of woman. He tried to dissuade her: he
told her that a mine was no place for a beautiful
woman. She said she felt that herself, and that therefore she did not intend to accompany him down
the shafts; she would see him off in the morning,
and then amuse herself until his return, looking
round the Vienna shops, and buying a few things
she might want. Having started the idea, he did not
see very well how to get out of it; and for ten long
summer days he did visit the mines in the neighbourhood of Vienna, and in the evening wrote reports about them, which she posted for him to his
firm, who didn’t want them.
I should be grieved to think that either Ethelbertha or Mrs. Harris belonged to that class of wife, but
it is as well not to overdo “business” — it should be
kept for cases of real emergency.

JEROME K. JEROME

“No,” I said, “the thing is to be frank and manly.
I shall tell Ethelbertha that I have come to the conclusion a man never values happiness that is always
with him. I shall tell her that, for the sake of learning
to appreciate my own advantages as I know they
should be appreciated, I intend to tear myself away
from her and the children for at least three weeks.
I shall tell her,” I continued, turning to Harris, “that
it is you who have shown me my duty in this respect;
that it is to you we shall owe — ”
Harris put down his glass rather hurriedly.
“If you don’t mind, old man,” he interrupted, “I’d
really rather you didn’t. She’ll talk it over with my
wife, and — well, I should not be happy, taking credit
that I do not deserve1.”
“But you do deserve it,” I insisted; “it was your
suggestion.”
“It was you gave me the idea,” interrupted Harris
again. “You know you said it was a mistake for a man
to get into a groove, and that unbroken domesticity
cloyed the brain2.”
“I was speaking generally,” I explained.

1 taking credit that I do not deserve — (зд.) принимая комплименты, которых не заслужил

2 cloyed the brain — (разг.) способствовало разжижению
мозгов

THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL

“It struck me as very apt,” said Harris. “I thought
of repeating it to Clara; she has a great opinion of
your sense, I know. I am sure that if — ”
“We won’t risk it,” I interrupted, in my turn; “it
is a delicate matter, and I see a way out of it. We will
say George suggested the idea.”
There is a lack of genial helpfulness about George
that it sometimes vexes me to notice. You would have
thought he would have welcomed the chance of assisting two old friends out of a dilemma; instead, he
became disagreeable.
“You do1,” said George, “and I shall tell them both
that my original plan was that we should make a party —
children and all; that I should bring my aunt, and that we
should hire a charming old chateau I know of in Normandy, on the coast, where the climate is peculiarly
adapted to delicate children, and the milk such as you do
not get in England. I shall add that you over-rode that
suggestion, arguing we should be happier by ourselves.”
With a man like George kindness is of no use;
you have to be firm.
“You do,” said Harris, “and I, for one, will close
with the offer2. We will just take that chateau. You

1 you do — (разг.) только попробуй

2 I, for one, will close with the offer — (разг.) что касается
меня, то я — за

JEROME K. JEROME

will bring your aunt — I will see to that1, — and we
will have a month of it. The children are all fond of
you; J. and I will be nowhere. You’ve promised to teach
Edgar fishing; and it is you who will have to play wild
beasts. Since last Sunday Dick and Muriel have talked
of nothing else but your hippopotamus. We will picnic in the woods — there will only be eleven of us, —
and in the evenings we will have music and recitations.
Muriel is master of six pieces already2, as perhaps you
know; and all the other children are quick studies.”
George climbed down — he has no real courage —
but he did not do it gracefully. He said that if we
were mean and cowardly and false-hearted enough to
stoop to such a shabby trick, he supposed he couldn’t
help it; and that if I didn’t intend to finish the whole
bottle of claret myself, he would trouble me to spare
him a glass. He also added, somewhat illogically, that
it really did not matter, seeing both Ethelbertha and
Mrs. Harris were women of sense who would judge
him better than to believe for a moment that the suggestion emanated from him.
This little point settled, the question was: What
sort of a change?

1 I will see to that — (разг.) уж я об этом позабочусь

2 is master of six pieces already — (зд.) выучила уже шесть
стихотворений

THREE MEN ON THE BUMMEL

Harris, as usual, was for the sea. He said he knew
a yacht, just the very thing — one that we could
manage by ourselves; no skulking lot of lubbers loafing about, adding to the expense and taking away
from the romance. Give him a handy boy, he would
sail it himself. We knew that yacht, and we told him
so; we had been on it with Harris before. It smells of
bilge-water and greens to the exclusion of all other
scents; no ordinary sea air can hope to head against
it. So far as sense of smell is concerned, one might be
spending a week in Limehouse Hole. There is no place
to get out of the rain; the saloon is ten feet by four,
and half of that is taken up by a stove, which falls to
pieces when you go to light it. You have to take your
bath on deck, and the towel blows overboard just as
you step out of the tub. Harris and the boy do all the
interesting work — the lugging and the reefing, the
letting her go and the heeling her over, and all that
sort of thing, — leaving George and myself to do the
peeling of the potatoes and the washing up.
“Very well, then,” said Harris, “let’s take a proper
yacht, with a skipper, and do the thing in style1.”
That also I objected to. I know that skipper; his notion of yachting is to lie in what he calls the “offing,”

1 in style — (зд.) с удобством, комфортом

JEROME K. JEROME

where he can be well in touch with his wife and family, to say nothing of his favourite public-house.
Years ago, when I was young and inexperienced,
I hired a yacht myself. Three things had combined to
lead me into this foolishness: I had had a stroke of
unexpected luck; Ethelbertha had expressed a yearning for sea air; and the very next morning, in taking
up casually at the club a copy of the Sportsman, I had
come across the following advertisement:

TO YACHTSMEN. — UNIQUE OPPORTU
NITY. — “ROGUE,” 28-TON YAWL. — OWNER,

CALLED AWAY SUDDENLY ON BUSINESS, IS WILLING

TO LET THIS SUPERBLY-FITTED “GREYHOUND OF

THE SEA” FOR ANY PERIOD SHORT OR LONG. TWO

CABINS AND SALOON; PIANETTE, BY WOFFENKOFF;

NEW COPPER. TERMS, 10 GUINEAS A WEEK. —
APPLY PERTWEE AND CO., 3A BUCKLERSBURY.

It had seemed to me like the answer to a prayer.
“The new copper” did not interest me; what little
washing we might want could wait, I thought. But
the “pianette by Woffenkoff” sounded alluring. I pictured Ethelbertha playing in the evening — something with a chorus, in which, perhaps, the crew,
with a little training, might join — while our mov